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Persianism

Mona Kiani

Persianism. 
The distinct practice of being Persian. An Irooni (Írúní).
Sociologists have observed Iranians living khárej (outside) of Iran and identified ten traits that distinguish Persians from other nations.
#Persianism
1. Body Maintenance:
Hair is not considered natural (mú)
All forms of hair are lasered, waxed, plucked and threaded
No follicle is left unturned in the pursuit of hair minimisation
 
2. Professional enterprises:

You must be a Doctor (doktor), Engineer (mohandes) or lawyer (vakíl).

No other profession is acceptable to the elders.
3. Camouflage:
Known for their natural and exotic beauty.
Mature, Iranian noses are moulded by the finest physicians to blend into their local environment. This practice is a right of passage usually completed at the age of maturity.
4. Right of Passage:
Older family members take it upon themselves to give life advise without prompting. Comments observed include:
Vay! have you put on weight?
When are you getting married?
You are not young anymore (Torshídí)?
When are you having babies? It's time (vaght shodeh).
5. Dietary Preferences
Meat (Gúsht)
Vegetariansm is not considered an option.
You are expected to continue the ritualistic eating of chelo kabab and ghormeh sabzi regardless of your dietary preferences. 
Mehmúnís involve the consumption of a full farmhouse
6. Drinks
(núshídaní): Cháí
This scalding hot clear brown liquid is consumed incessantly from sunrise to sunset whenever tribes of Irúnís gather. This ritualistic practice is thought to improve mood and enhance social interactions. Those who do not partake in the social drinking of cháí are patronised and coerced until they are addicted.
7. Ritualistic behaviour:
Gherr Bedeh (Twirl for me)
Persians are unable to sit in their seats when they hear Bandari music. They are observed shaking their hips and flailing their arms to the beat of the music.
"Em Sho sho shey"
lelelelelel
If you haven't heard this song before... you are welcome: 
8. Persian Time
Iranians have their own clock.
It is called Persian Time. Add a minimum of 60 minutes onto the allocated time to
ensure you are not kept waiting. 
9. Etiquette:
Tarof (saying you do not want something
when you really do)
It is considered rude to accept offerings of food/drink when first asked. You must wait until the host asks 2-3 times before meekly accepting their offerings. Failure to do so will lead to gossip amongst the elders.
10. Bartering & Trade:
Chúneh
The fine art of bartering and discounting has long been observed with this demographic. Irúnís are always on the lookout for opportunities to make deals. The hustle is real. The connections are necessary.
...
So next time you observe these curious creatures in their diasporic environments.
Stop to say salám.


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